Stop waiting until you feel good enough

I think I've always considered my body temporary. And not in the existential "we are all temporary" way, but more like - this is not always how my body will be. Sure, our bodies do change over time. So some sense of acceptance of that is great.

However, it occurred to me recently when I wanted to buy a leather coat, to wait. I wondered, what am I waiting for?

I realized that I was waiting to buy that coat when my body was different or better in some way. I was waiting until I deemed her to be deserving.

And even after years of practice in self love this thought occurred to me.

We are never fixed, never completely healed, after all the hurt we have experienced being told in various ways that we are not good enough.

Society profits off our self-hate and we perpetuate it. We judge ourselves and other people and it comes as easy and automatically as breathing sometimes.

If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot love others. And if we cannot see the beauty in others, we cannot see the beauty in ourselves.

It is cyclical. Sometimes I might notice myself judging someone else, and then I check in with myself and notice that my self-love reserve is low. By putting my attention back on that person and finding beauty, I find beauty and love for myself too.

And so, I had to show my body that she does deserve that leather jacket. No more waiting for some arbitrary thing, like numbers on a scale or clothing size or until some unknown day where I will suddenly be "good enough." I am more than good enough now.

Every single day that I make an effort to do pleasurable things for myself - like getting the coveted (fake) leather jacket or the gorgeous flowers or the yummy smoothie - I believe more and more in my worthiness.

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